FOR THE LOVE OF SHUTTLES

I love conference-time at IHOP. Not because of the awesome teaching (which I love) or the excitement of the crowds (which I actually do not love), but because I get to drive the shuttles! I love volunteering for this job. Not only do you get the pleasure of weilding a lumbering, short bus down Red Bridge Road, but you also get to weild a lumbering, short bus down Grandview Road. And then again. And again. And…again.

I’ve had some people remark how servant-hearted it is of me to drive the shuttles. I want to make it perfectly clear that I primarily drive the shuttles because I love it. Ain’t no meekness going on here, folks. It’s purely selfish. This job has perks! Namely…

#1. You get free Higher Grounds coffee during your shift.

#2. You get to use a Walkie-Talkie (but no Wammy Ka-blammies or Rooty-tooty Aim-and-shooties 🙂 ).

#3. You get to choose a handle – a cool nickname that is just as natural to go by for three hours as your normal, boring name. I’ll give two points to anyone who knows mine (By the way, points mean nothing, but they’re here for the taking).

#4. You get to operate that cool door-opening thing. Sweet.

#5. You get to meet new people from all over the world.

#6. You get pretty good at manuevering the potholes on Grandview Road.

#7. You get to make stops at Sonic. I mean, uh, nevermind. heh heh…ahem.

#8. Almost every other car you pass is an IHOP staff member, so you get to wave at a lot of people. I guess this also means that no one on staff is taking the shuttles. Hmmm. 🙂

#9. Todd is the big boss-man and he is cool.

#10. You get paid $30.00 an hour.

#11. You get to drive a vehicle with 8 mirrors. 8!

#12. #10 was false. But you might get a crown in heaven or something.

#13. You don’t really have to use your brain. I realize my passengers probably wouldn’t appreciate that phrase.

#14. Every 7 minutes or so, the 13 passengers you let off the shuttle say “Thank you” to you. That’s roughly 334 thank-you’s per a three-hour shift. That’s more “thank-you’s” than most people get each year.

#15. I can’t think of any more but 15 seemed better to end with than 14.

Here’s to shuttling!

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  1. Good job on #10 – it made me think really hard… so hard that it took half a minute to get to #12. Good luck on the crown. CBB

  2. We were required to ride the shuttle everywhere during my internship days. Being an asocial introvert, I wore my headphones each time and swore I would never darken the doors of a shuttle after I graduated.

    After reading this list of hilarious awesomity, however, I think I may be reconsidering my vow.

    But only if we can stop at Wendy’s instead of Sonic. Frosties for everyone!!

  3. I feel proud that I wasn’t tricked by #10. Not that it matters (I’ll surely be tricked by something in no time).

    It’s like the reasons I loved driving all the youth group kids around back in my hometown. Well, minus a couple of the reasons, and with In-N-Out instead of Sonic (which I’ve never been to, BTW).

  4. Robin

    Hey you know you are such a blessing! You’ll definitely have an extra jewel or two (…hundred…) for bringing me joy. So be blessed, more and more!

  5. Retroman – that makes me feel clever. hee hee.

    Ducky – Recant! You’ll thank me later. And yeah, I’m cool with Wendy’s. I crave bacon double cheeseburgers when I fast. And when I don’t fast.

    Idhrendur – congrats on not being had. I can’t believe you’ve never been to In-N-Out! You must. It’s delish.

    Robin – thanks! I’m glad you’re blessed. By the way, do I know who you are? I know a couple Robins…

  6. benjaminwood

    I love the shuttles! Shuttles Rock! Whammy Blammies, Yeah!

  7. jennerith

    Molly- is there any part of grandview road that ISN’T potholes? I mean, I drive a Buick, a truly massive car, and one time a pothole almost ate my bumper. I think of those potholes like the tubes in Super Mario; you drop into one and it’s like a whole foreign land down there….
    Also, I would totally ride in your shuttle. In fact, I may refuse several and wait patiently on the curb for the mac and cheese mobile. I may even hold a sign that says “Will ride shuttle for humorous stories about following Phish.”

  8. benjaminwood

    Phish Rocks

  9. Okeydoke, keep an eye out for me, then. What shift do you drive?

  10. My first time driving the shuttle was for the silent siege a few summers ago. I loved it. My handle is “Supes.”

  11. Did I explain badly, or did you typo? I’ve been to In-N-Out plenty. It used to be our youth group “thing” to go to In-N-Out after group on Saturdays (so, 10-11 pm). I’ve never been to Sonic. I’m not sure it exists in my state…

    …er, I take that back. It’s just another case of something not existing on the Central Coast, so it surprises me in SoCal.

  12. Ben – Whammy Ka-blammies…I would assume that you would probably know what I’m talking about, right? You are just cool like that…:)

    Jen – good point! and yes, very true. Thank you for making every trip that I take down Grandview road from now on a fun experience. I will think about Super Mario every time now, which will make me happy. I am honored that you would wait for my shuttle. I will return the favor by only taking you anywhere. I will deny all other passengers, driving for hours at a time with an empty shuttle, waiting for only you. And yes, I could fill that funny-stories-about-following-Phish-shaped-hole in your heart. 🙂

    Ben – Yeah!!! Boo Ya!

    Ducky – 2-5 – look for me. 🙂

    Supes – what’s the meaning behind the moniker? I bet you were a fun shuttler.

    Idhrendur – My mistake! I misunderstood you. I am glad to hear I was wrong. That would be tragic – you so near burger perfection and not partaking. Whew. I am massively relieved. I had never been to Sonic before coming to MO. It’s pretty delish too.

  13. Great post Molly! (and not just cuz I am partial to the shuttles as the “big boss”) I have had to make emergency stops at McDonald’s. Please no more talk about In-N-Out, it’s been too long and could be awhile until the next. I have seen little cars disappear and never come out of those potholes on Grandview. Also we actually meet people from all over the planet on a regular basis. But definately the best perk is a toss up between using a walkie-talkie and getting hundreds of “thank yous” a night.
    I’ll take the “thank yous.”

  14. Todd – the big boss-man himself! What an honor. I know, the In-N-Out talk is tortuous, eh? Thanks for being the best shuttle dude ever. You are awesome!

  15. Wow, thanks Molly, you know how to make the heart melt in a good way.

    And yes,tortuous is the very word I almost used in my comment, I am ready to fly to Cali just for In-N-Out, and then right back to the prayer room!

  16. Tracie Loux

    ah, Molly, I knew you were cool!
    a bus driver and a Brian Reagan fan no-less!

  17. I appologize for the torture. In fact, my Facebook status currently is “sorry he made a bunch of International House of Prayer people crave In-N-Out.” So all my friends can know how horrible I am.

    On the other hand, I have some fantastic propositions for you all:

    1. Next time you happen to find yourself in Southern California, I will buy you In-N-Out.

    2. I’ve heard stories of college students who’ve had In-N-Out shipped overnight to themselves. From what I hear, it’s not nearly as good as fresh, but is still amazing. I’d be willing to handle the sending end if someone wants to test the truth of these stories. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to handle the paying end for that, but if more of you join Molly in praying me into a better job, then that might just change. 😉

  18. Tracie – I was wondering if anyone would catch that! Right on! Glad to hear from you!

    Idhrendur – I love the Facebook status. Hilarious and true. I will totally take you up on offer #1. I have heard of these same stories in #2. I would be willing to test it out and see if it’s any good. 🙂 I wonder how much overnighting it would cost?

  19. Todd – I’m with you! Let’s go for it. We could buy tickets with all our shuttle money!

  20. Ducky – I’m glad we finally met! And on a shuttle, no less. 🙂

  21. That was pretty much the most exciting thing that happened to me all day. Good times. 😀

  22. Aaron James

    Maybe I’ll buy an In-N-Out shuttle. It will have a double double animal style smelling air freshener..

    (I hope people know what “animal style” means….onions. Grilled, and lots of them.)

    oh soo good…..Where can we petition to get In-N-Out here? I mean, now we have Chik-Fil-A, we must be able to get In-N-out…..

  23. Aaron James

    Hey, that comment was actually Jennifer, NOT Aaron. I don’t want him getting credit for my genius. Plus, he hates onions….

  24. @Molly: Depending in exactly when in the day you want it to arrive (and the exact dimensions of the packaging), it looks like anywhere from $40 to $90. I think some experimenting (on my part) may be needed to prepare for such a venture.

    @Jennifer: You don’t need an air freshener. You just need the real deal in the shuttle for about 15 minutes. The smell persists for days. And yes, animal style is most excellent. Animal style fries, too (messy, though).

    Also, try petitioning here. In-N-Out expands slowly though, because they’re not franchise. If they were franchise, I’d recommend an IHOP owned In-N-Out to you.

  25. Ducky – Sweet!

    Jen – Best idea I’ve ever heard, besides Hasselhoff for president. Let’s do it.

    Idhrendur – $90? Phew. I thought it would be expensive or something. Sheesh. 🙂 If by experimenting, you mean eating a lot of In-N-Out burgers, I think you definitely need to experiment. When petitioning, we should share with them what we do. They are a Christian company – maybe a small community of Jesus-lovers would persuade them. Have you ever seen the “John 3:16” printed on the bottom of their cups?

  26. Yes, I have. I seem to remember a couple other verses hiding about too, but I cannot recall. Hrm…perhaps I should investigate…

    By experimenting, I mean buying some In-N-Out, sticking it in a ziplock bag, waiting a day, then eating it.

  27. Hmmm…not a bad idea – if you can resist eating it right away! 🙂

  28. Okay, the burger wrapper also has a verse: revelation 3:20. I find that to be most excellent.

    There seems to be a complete list of verses here. But just looking it up is much less fun than finding them yourself…

  29. I do love the Rev. 3:20 on the burger wrapper. How appropriate!

    True, it would be more fun, but alas, we cannot find them ourselves here in the In-N-Out deprived Midwest!

  30. Molly, I am with you on the shuttles. I thoroughly enjoyed my short time as shuttle commander. I don’t know if it’s the free coffee, wonderful people, or the “bless you” from all the passengers. I think it’s all three..Not to mention the really cool boss (Dan Dodd).

    I don’t know ’bout In-n-Out though. I don’t know what that says about me, especially since I lived in Cali for quite some time.

    BTW, I am still in Luke 16.

  31. Chuck – I think you’re right – it’s a combo of all those.

    You must go to In-N-Out! 🙂

    Do share any nuggets you’re getting on Luke 16! I’d love to hear them!

  32. Steve & Amanda

    i love shuttles too mostly because of #1, #2, and #9!

  33. standonthewall

    Yes. Thank you again! Those of us who ARE on staff and use the shuttles are so grateful. You guys come in handy to those with broken down Volkswagons!

  34. Brooke – Is your car still broken? Ug.

  1. 1 Highlights of the weekend « Standing on the Wall

    […] Riding Molly Mo’s shuttle (I can report that she does, in fact, enjoy driving shuttles) […]




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